Thursday Night. 5th November 2015.

We’re driving. The world is reverberating, vibrating beautifully like an instrument being expertly played. Light changes with volume, colour intensity changes with pitch and melody is everywhere.  I look out through the passenger window and I see the desert pass as we seem to float across its surface, pockets of water dotted around reflect a non-existent blue sky. It’s the dead of night during my journey but the water shows a whispy cloud ridden blue sky, as if the liquid mirrors are not what they seem but are instead doorways into the light. Hit the water and we’re somewhere and somewhen else.  I’m feeling nocturnal, the night has an appeal, it breeds an introspection in me that the day inhibits. I think best at night. I have a thought We should avoid the water

‘I think so too. ‘

I start to notice the strangeness. I never learnt how to drive and I suppose more importantly I’m in the back seat so I can’t be driving this car. Furthermore, I never said anything yet I was acknowledged. I peer forward and see Lucien driving the car whilst smoking a cigarette. Lucien is my best friend, and the friend whose mind I probably value the most.

‘Lucien, where do you think we are?’

He looks at me and smiles and continues to smoke. I sit back and let the vibrating world play its tune. Outside boats have started to appear-big vessels, cruise ships, small fishing boats and there was at least one Titanic-like behemoth. They were all sat there like the tide had been pulled far away from where they were, and anywhere from where my eye could see. We were crossing the ocean.

‘How about this? Where we are doesnt matter; I want to know where we’re going. ‘

‘I’m doing you a favour.’ Lucien said.

I knew where he was taking me, we were crossing The Atlantic and we were on our way to meet someone.

‘I’m not sure if I want to do this, Luce’

‘This is a dream brother. If you don’t want to then let’s stop’

I looked at him, I looked at part of me. He was right I could change the direction of the car at any moment, flood this ocean once again and fly out of the sunroof and float over the waters. But I didn’t do any of that albeit trying. It felt akin to how it’s apparently impossible for someone to choke themselves. I suppose even in the dream world there was something I felt I had to do.
We reached a beach a few moments later. Lucien turned around to face me, he looked at me and said

‘You are right to feel everything you feel. I want to talk about something when this is over. Randomness.  Does it really make sense? Randomness implies a sort of objective freedom, like absolute liberation from rules. I don’t think such a thing could exist brother, I really don’t.’

I got out of the car and waved him goodbye and he drove off, burrowing deeper and deeper into the sand as he did. Near the beach was an airport runway but there didn’t seem to be an airport, Just a tower and a runway. I saw a small bungalow near the tower. I took a deep breath and began to hum as I walked towards a conversation that I should have had a long time ago, and the fear being that it’ll be a conversation that is always in a state of almost happening. The door is already open so I let myself in and I see her. She’s sat at her dining table eating. She smiles and Iooks at me, I go towards her and sit down and smile back.

‘What are you doing here?’

I stared at her with overwhelming longing and positivity then calmly replied

‘What am I doing here?’ Didn’t I have something important to say? 


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